


Dolchartig

by 264feet



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, OT3, Polyamory, Suicide Attempt, Wife Squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25016461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/264feet/pseuds/264feet
Summary: Edelgard walks in on Dorothea with a dagger to her wrists. | Request for Jinjojess
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Dorothea Arnault/My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Kudos: 46





	Dolchartig

**Author's Note:**

> Satomi = Female Byleth.

Edelgard knows how to fight enemies that she can see. She's used to poring over a map stuck full of pins, which becomes actualized as she leads her army onto the battlefield.

The Melancholy is different. Rather than watching Hubert move a pin as an army advances closer, Edelgard watches Dorothea push food around on her plate and finally scrape it into the trash when Satomi looks away. Rather than Dorothea resting after a long battle, these days she sleeps only enough to placate her wives (and Edelgard knows she rises earlier and earlier to mask the bags under her eyes). Rather than Edelgard watching the life fade from the eyes of an enemy, this time it's the eyes of her wife. 

That much, she can see. But there’s no diplomats to address and no armies to lead in order to win. Edelgard, who has honed herself like a blade, has left little room for giving comfort. It’s why Hubert has stuck close to her as her advisor; he has nothing to lose. Satomi, on the other hand, knows how to both sharpen her further and stop her when it’s time to dull her edges.

During the five-year gap, Edelgard had no choice but to sharpen further and further.

Those jealous of Edelgard will claim she has luck. Attempting to convince Satomi join her and renounce Rhea could have truthfully gone either way, and there had been battles where Edelgard only escaped with her life because her axe struck true just slightly better and slightly faster than the opponent's.

The truth is that luck is neither a boon nor a curse. Today, she walks in on Dorothea with a dagger against her wrist.

Edelgard's mouth opens and closes. "Dorothea?"

"Edie."

"This is no time for pet names.”

Edelgard strides across the bedroom and takes the blade. It leaves a red kiss on Dorothea's otherwise unmarred skin. She had accompanied Edelgard to just as many battles as Satomi, but magic had a way of keeping her out of harm-- and erasing evidence of scars and bruises where they did take shape. Edelgard has forced a vulnerary down Dorothea's throat and watched near-fatal wounds magically scab over, but the small red stream pouring onto Dorothea's dress hurts far more to look at. "Dorothea, why?"

"Because you and Satomi requested all the rope be hidden,” she replies, as coquettish as ever. Dorothea regards the sheets. "Besides, it's not like I could use those. They still smell like her. And where would you sleep?"

"It wouldn't be right for reasons other than that," Edelgard urges. For once, she wishes she had better command over Faith magic in order to close the wound. It’s not bleeding badly, but what it represents is so much more.

No amount of magic could undo the root cause of the wound, though.

Edelgard makes do with wiping the trail of blood with her thumb. "Did you think I wouldn't notice what was going on?"

"Maybe that's why I’m here now." Dorothea gives a slight, nonchalant shrug, as if nothing matters to her anymore. "I really am cowardly. If I were serious about it, I would have been gone already."

Edelgard takes Dorothea's hand into her own. Her hand is still warm with life.

"I don't think that to be cowardice," Edelgard says. "That strikes me as strength."

"Please, don't make me laugh. You and Satomi have strength. You're the heroes in the eyes of the world: the miraculous professor and the revolutionary Empress who broke Fodlan’s shackles of oppression with their vows of love. I've sung many a ballad about it. That's my role, as the slutty opera singer who wedged herself between them."

"That's not how either of us feel and you know it, Dorothea."

"I know it? What do I know?" Dorothea asks, prying her hand free. "That you called me 'professor' in bed so many times? That you left me alone in our bedchamber several cold nights while you organized more and more desperate search parties for Satomi, when even Hubert was advising you to move on?"

"Dorothea..."

"What do I know? That as soon as Satomi waltzed back to grace us with her presence after five years of hell, that you dropped me like a used toy and ran back to live out your schoolgirl fantasy. That's what I know, Edie."

Edelgard's hands ball into fists. She can't say it's not true. Edelgard’s greatest enemy besides Dorothea’s Melancholy is her own self. It feels as if she wants to reach out and hold Dorothea, but in the light of her own past actions, it would be a hollow gesture. Her body longs for Dorothea’s touch all the same. "I was irrational. It was difficult to lose her."

"You think I don't know what it's like?" Dorothea raises her hands up in exasperation. "Do you really still think you're the only one who missed her, Edelgard?"

Edelgard can only sit and listen as Dorothea raises her voice. "Five years of filling a hole in your heart that-- that just suffocated me! For nothing! I waited until the candles burned to nubs for Hubert to summon me to your bedchamber so I could serve again as your concubine, only to be left sitting there! Of course I knew he wasn’t coming, but I had faith in you! Edie wouldn’t just ditch me, I know she wouldn’t!"

Tears stream down Dorothea's cheeks. "Let me guess, you’re going to say it wasn't all for nothing. It was so you could have Satomi come drag you back to me because you want to have it all. You need someone to warm your bed when Satomi's away. That's it, isn't it?"

"That's not it!" Edelgard exclaims, despite herself. "I love you, Dorothea; I always have!" She places her hand on the bed between them; it leaves a red mark on the sheets. "And I love Satomi, too. Neither of those are mutually exclusive."

She bites her lip, hard, trying to keep herself together. "And it's my fault for corrupting that and not keeping them separate in my mind. When we lost Satomi, all I could think was how I failed to protect another person close to me. I ignored the others’ grieving because I thought I could solve it all by bringing her back. In my own grief, I clung to my love for you because… I feared I would lose you, too. I thought that if I could protect you and keep you close, it would account for my failure and fill the void in my heart. I never thought of how much I must have been hurting you. I was selfish and stupid.”

Dorothea looks away, releasing a held breath. “You feared losing me only to abandon me.”

“I thought I would be forced to choose. I feared Satomi would hate me for having failed her, or having left her behind.”

Edelgard remembers the day Satomi returned. It was as if she had stepped out of time; she hadn’t aged a day. And she, the Empress of the Adrestian Empire, had waited to be judged for her failures as if she were facing the goddess herself.

“I would have given you my blessing if you had asked. Any kind of closure at all…” Dorothea can’t look Edelgard in the eye. “You and Satomi deserve one another. You’re both living legends. I wouldn’t be missed.”

"You can’t judge based on titles. We all played our part in ending the war. Differences in power and status aside, I'm not deserving of you. You would be missed dearly if you weren’t here.” Edelgard looks away, too. “I just want to know how to help you, Dorothea. If it would be better for you to leave behind people like myself who abandoned you, or if you'd wish for me to leave so you could be with Satomi alone... so long as it would convince you to not throw away your life--"

"You haven't learned anything if you think either of those solutions would work," Dorothea says, her voice softer. "How could my life be better without you or Satomi in it?"

"It certainly sounds like we've caused you more than your fair share of strife."

"That's what happens when I submit to falling in love, Edie." Her voice is soft, tired, scratchy. "I put myself at risk to be hurt. It's just as much your fault for hurting me as it was for me to know it would happen and still allowing it."

"You're blaming yourself?"

"I'm just stating the reality. With Satomi gone, you shattered, Edelgard. I thought I could pick up the pieces and put them back together myself. I took advantage of a broken woman."

"Dorothea..." Edelgard's torn between wanting to embrace her and feeling as if she does, the barbs sticking out of her cold iron heart will damage Dorothea more. "I still want to be with you, but I fear I’ll just hurt you more. It’s all I’ve done."

"You can't really think that, can you?" Dorothea says. "If I didn't love you, would I be here now? If I had no reason to hesitate, we wouldn’t be speaking."

It feels like a stab in the heart. "All this love, affection… I’m undeserving. I used your love against you. And… and I'm so deeply sorry, I can't find the words to voice it."

Dorothea runs her hands through her hair. Silence hangs heavy between them.

"Melancholy isn't new to me," Dorothea says. "It's followed me like an old friend for just about as long as I can remember."

Edelgard doesn't respond this time; she just listens.

"It begun to sink its fangs in deeper at the monastery, true. Being a commoner in a house of nobles, of heroes… and I had no faith in the goddess, to boot. The closest I felt to faith was when I first spent the night with you."

Edelgard’s hair stands on end. She both presses her legs together and crosses her arms. Her mind has tried to hold back the awkward details of their first encounter, but her body remembers Dorothea's fingers trailing down her chest, the other girl's breath hot on her neck.

"You aren't responsible for the Melancholy. You never can claim that kind of credit," Dorothea says. "I won't claim that our relationship hasn't given it power. But also, Edelgard? If I had never been with you, I don't think I would have been here at all."

A knot forms in Edelgard's throat. Dorothea places her hand on top of Edelgard's. "I followed you into the Black Eagle Strike Force just as much as the others did, knowing that we were revoking everything we held dear. I've always been willing to give you my heart, as much as you're willing to take it. The same toward our dear Satomi, even though a commoner like me wouldn't dare seriously vie for her affections..."

"Dorothea..."

"But I only want you to accept my love again when you're ready for it, Edie. I have no desire for you to walk away. I never have."

But she did. Edelgard rubs her hands on her face, hard. She had been so blinded in pursuit of one love that she had damaged another. Even if she's not the only cause of the Melancholy for Dorothea, having it placed before her how deeply she’s hurt someone so dear to her is torturous.

They're interrupted by the door creaking open. Edelgard straightens her back instinctively as if to listen to a report from Hubert, but instead, it's Satomi. Her face is unreadable, as usual. She regards the blades, the stains of red, the expressions on her wives’ faces. Then, she strides across the room and sits down between them.

Edelgard catches Satomi up on what's happened so far, her throat parched. Dorothea folds her hands in her lap as if she were settling in for tea.

By the time Edelgard is done, her voice is hoarse. Satomi has listened quietly. Finally, she reaches out and wraps an arm around both of her lovers. "I think there's one key factor you've both been missing.”

"What could that be?"

"That I love you both dearly, and you love one another the same," Satomi says. "Dorothea was right that it's inevitable that those who are so close to one another can't help from harming one another. The solution isn't to flee from it, but to look directly toward it and learn. El, you've always been good at that."

Edelgard feels a foot tall under the weight of Satomi's arm. Satomi has a way of making her feel like a pupil under the watchful eye of a teacher again. "I have been?"

"It's true that most of your experience in this regard might come from war, but, as they say... love can be just as dangerous." Satomi rubs her shoulder. "You also forget one key factor-- I'm the one who disappeared for five years. I left you during some of the most crucial and difficult years of your lives."

Dorothea leans into the embrace. "You didn't choose to do so, Satomi.”

"Regardless of intent, the outcome remains the same. I'm simply grateful to be here now and to have a heart to give to you both," Satomi says. "I believe that one other factor that's not considered here is that El didn't just leave a relationship with you because of my return, but also because she felt unworthy to be with you. This is why she hesitates to show affection even now."

"I'm afraid I can't follow the logic in that," Dorothea says.

"After all that's been said?" Satomi asks. "Edelgard has known she's been hurting you. You've done so much to comfort her and love her, and she wants to do the same for you. But for years, all she was able to do was hurt you because of how she was hurting as well. Edelgard didn’t just feel forced to choose, but also felt as if you'd be better off without her. Am I right?"

"I'm afraid Edie's a fool for that."

"And so are you, for thinking we could live without you," Satomi admonishes. "I don't mean that you should only live for our sake. One day, I want for you to be able to embrace life for what it is beyond the struggle of war and manipulation. We all need to work on that together. But until then, try to keep it in your heart that Edelgard and I love you dearly."

Edelgard focuses half on Satomi's words, half on Satomi’s pulse.

"It's true," Edelgard adds, finally. "If you'll have me, I want nothing more than to work toward the day when we can all accept that-- and that I can love you both for who you are without harming either of you."

"And I'll be here for you, darling," Dorothea replies. "Thank you for willing to work with me."

Satomi speaks again. "I don't mean to treat you like a child, D, but I'm going to take away the dagger."

It's just as small a gesture as hiding the rope had been. If Dorothea had been persistent, she could leap from the top floor or turn her magic on herself or any other number of options that make Edelgard's blood run cold. Still, Dorothea agrees, and Satomi wraps the dagger in a cloth before standing up to hide it away. For a terse moment, Dorothea and Edelgard are left alone.

"I'm sorry," Edelgard says.

"You're forgiven, Edie."

"No, not just for that." She turns to face Dorothea. "I'm sorry because you don't feel better, do you?"

Dorothea shrugs. "Better, worse, those are relative terms."

"So, in short, no."

"I feel about as well as when we started." Dorothea brushes her hair out of her eye, and Edelgard makes a mental note to help care for the knots later. "It's no fault of your own. That's how the Melancholy is."

Satomi returns and gestures toward Dorothea's wrist. Dorothea holds out her arm. Satomi's hand glows a faint green as she works a healing spell over the small cut. The wound soon has stitched itself up without a trace, and Dorothea runs her fingernail over the spot where it had been a moment prior. Edelgard's hand and the sheet still are marred with spots of red from a wound that no longer exists, at least not visibly.

"Those issues did weigh on me, but they weren't the only cause of the Melancholy." Dorothea leans back into Satomi as she sits down. "Even if life improves, it may happen again."

There's nothing Edelgard hates more than feeling helpless. She had spent too much of her life being helpless and allowing herself and her loved ones to suffer. She thought she had broken the shackles, but they still fit tight around her wrists, digging into the flesh whenever she moves too far out of line.

"When it does, we'll be here to help you," Satomi says.

"Mm."

Edelgard allows herself to lean into Satomi as well. Satomi’s chest rises and falls with each steady breath and her pulse is heightened. She's afraid, Edelgard thinks, but she wouldn't show it.

"It feels like... I'm trapped in the bottom of a well," Dorothea says. "So far down that only a faint glimmer of light can be seen from above. I try clawing my way up with bloody fingers and broken nails, only to slip back down each time. Even if I get too close to the top, it's as if... the stones extend on their own."

Satomi rubs her back as Dorothea speaks. "That's why it's so tempting to abandon the climb and fall to the bottom. It's all I've known. It's familiar."

"It's what every part of your mind screams to do. To give up." Edelgard's voice comes out small, like a child's. "I've felt as if I've had no choice but to continue climbing."

She meets Dorothea's stare. "It must sound hypocritical of me. If you could have traded lives with me, you would have been tempted.”

"I'm not looking for the burden of the throne. Just someone to treat me as if I'm worth it and more," Dorothea sighs. "Your life hasn't been easier than mine."

"I don't think any of our roads have been easy. But they've led us together," Satomi adds.

Edelgard nods. "No matter what, I'll continue to help you climb. Even if you no longer want to."

To their surprise, Dorothea starts giggling. "You're both so cheesy. It's intolerable."

"Then stop snuggling, I dare you." Satomi squeezes Dorothea tighter in her grip. She squeals and tries playfully to squirm away. Edelgard helps her gain a small victory by pushing Satomi onto the bed so the three of them can lie together rather than just lean onto Satomi.

The three of them laugh together, at least for a moment. Satomi leans to either side and kisses them both. "I love you both."

"I love you, too," Edelgard responds.

At first she's concerned to hear nothing from Dorothea. When she and Satomi look over, they learn the reason why-- their wife has already fallen back asleep.


End file.
